


‘til death do us part

by jjokkiri



Series: monsta x bingo (winter 2017) [29]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Asphyxiation, Blood, Character Death, Homophobia, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, Smut, Suicide, Triggers, all the triggers, also a christmas fic but i'm horrible, it's a double suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 00:38:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjokkiri/pseuds/jjokkiri
Summary: “I’d probably still adore you with your hands around my neck.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the _Holiday Themed_ square of [Monsta X Bingo](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/MXbingo), and dedicated to Aly because Aly is a terrible enabler to my heartbreaking based-on-true-story fics and I had a different prompt for this square but _woo, let's fucking go_. And please, please, _please_ tell me if I missed a tag.

 

Hoseok swears he loves him with gentle hands caressing his skin, soft lips brushing across his neck and scattering little marks. Hoseok presses a kiss to the corner of his eye, where there’s a tear falling from it; Kihyun’s smaller hand gripping into the material of the older man’s shirt and desperately holding on. The tear falls away and disappears somewhere between Hoseok’s soft lips and he thinks he can taste the pain when those lips are pressed against his, urgent.

“You’re going to be okay,” Kihyun whispers, when Hoseok presses him down against the sheets, shaky hands slowly undressing him. “We’re going to be okay,” he assures. But, he’s not sure of his own words, and it breaks his heart to say it.

“I know,” Hoseok tells him, biting down on his lower lip and discarding Kihyun’s shirt to the side, letting it slip off the bed without care. It falls with a quiet rustle, heard above their soft breathing and desperate touches. “We’re going to be fine.”

It’s hardly true, but they’re locked up in a hotel room alone, where no one could find them for the time being. It’s their gift to one another for the holidays, as the gentle snowflakes clung to the glass of the windows, outside. They had their moments of bliss together, once they got away from the judgmental eyes of society, scrutinizing them for being in love. Here, anything could be possible—they built their own image of an ideal society here. And they’d stay forever, if they could.

But, they’re not. They wouldn’t, shouldn’t, _couldn’t._

Promising one another an eternity together was enough to get them through their last moments, together, because their fate was already laid out for them, when they stepped into the hotel room, hearts high on false hope and minds begging for escape. Because they’ve told one another for _years_ , that everything would get better. It _hasn’t_ and it _wouldn’t_.

Kihyun’s mind wanders to where he thinks about _home_ , or at least the house which he was supposed to call home. Home was where Hoseok was, not with judgmental eyes glaring at his every movement, because he dared to love a man. But, he can’t help but to think: _next Christmas, there’ll be one less stocking above the fireplace._ He doesn’t think they’ll miss him.

Hoseok’s fingers are warm when they slowly push the heavy material of his jeans off of his body and push them to the ground. His hands take their sweet time, drinking in every inch of Kihyun’s body and admiring him for everything he was.

And Hoseok’s gentle when he pulls him into his lap, lips locked with his and carefully easing himself into Kihyun. The younger man’s fingers grip into Hoseok’s shoulders at the burning stretch, but it feels like _heaven_ to have Hoseok against him. He’s sure they’d know how it really feels, sooner rather than later.

Hoseok fucks him slowly, treasuring every moment they spend together—they consciously know their life is running out, and the broken look on Hoseok’s face tears his heart apart. But, he’s a mirror to his lover, and there are still tears streaming down his cheeks. It hurts, because he can’t tell him that everything is going to be _fine_ ; can’t fool either of them into believing in false hope, any longer. They were waiting for a change that wouldn’t come. Not in this life.

The love of his life puts his hands around his neck and presses a tight grip, suddenly depriving him of air. It’s a first for them, but Hoseok touches him with testing hands. They’re careful, and he knows why. Kihyun’s lips parted in a soft gasp, when Hoseok’s fingers tighten around his throat. The first time is loving and heightens his senses; makes him swallow their surroundings, and on the outskirts of their love, it’s bitter.

A deeper thrust of Hoseok’s hips has Kihyun moaning when the older man’s fingers are no longer around his neck, digging into his throat. And when he cums, Kihyun’s high rushes across his body in waves and flashes of heat, hot spurts of white splattering across Hoseok’s tummy.

Kihyun’s hypersensitive, but on his knees in a moment and Hoseok’s cock is in between his lips. The older man finds his release when Kihyun’s tongue runs flat across the underside of his cock.

They fall to one another’s sides, catching their breaths and then Hoseok is turning to him with hopeless eyes.

“Do we have to?” he asks, and the sound of his voice rips at Kihyun’s soul.

Kihyun doesn’t answer him. But, he isn’t looking for an answer, isn’t looking for lies.

It’s after they dress themselves that Hoseok straddles him, gentle hands cradling his jaw before they fall to the column of his neck. Hoseok’s hands are shaking again.

“I’m sorry,” he tells him, “I’m sorry, I love you.”

And he wishes he could just hold onto Hoseok’s hands, whisper to him that _they don’t have to do this_. That everything would be fine, and that they could stay by one another’s side, just like this. Like this, without anything bothering them, without the world staring at them with disgusted eyes for _loving_. He wishes that what they were wasn’t forbidden.

But, all he can manage is a heartbreaking smile and a gentle nod, because he doesn’t have the heart to lie to the love of his life—they both know there’s no way they’d be fine, together.

Hoseok’s fingers are warm against his neck, but they’re deadly as tears fall from his eyes; apology filling dark irises, but Kihyun smiles at him like everything is going to be okay—they’d only be spending a moment without one another. The last thing he wants to see isn’t the love of his life frowning, so with a breathless gasp, Hoseok’s fingers tightening around his neck, he’s raising almost lifeless hands to trace the corners of the older man’s lips.

“I love you,” he whispers, and Hoseok manages a smile as Kihyun’s vision dots with flickering blackness; edges of his vision fading into emptiness. His mind hazes, and suddenly, he can hardly register the expression on Hoseok’s face—but he’s there, he can hear him, feel him—strong fingers closing, pressing, and _bruising_.

“I know,” is the choked reply that comes to his ears, sounding too far away, despite Hoseok being so close to him. “I know, I love you, too.” _I wish it were enough_ —that much isn’t spoken, but it flickers in his eyes: the sadness that almost suffocates him.

His consciousness slowly slips away from him, the spots of black flashing louder before his eyes, before it drowns him altogether. He can’t see the way Hoseok’s expression drops when his breathing ceases and he can’t hear the sound of a metal blade clattering to the ground; can’t feel the way Hoseok’s fingers gently lace with his nor the way his blood seeps into his clothing, soaking them, before he falls limp against Kihyun’s lifeless body.

The last, fleeting moments are spent with Hoseok’s hands weakly squeezing his; dark eyes running across his lover’s face, before darkness overwhelmed his vision—the flow of blood taking its toll.

If _love_ were enough, then they’d stay together, here: but, it wasn’t and they’d find one another in another life.

And as the snow is falling outside, wishing the rest of the world a blessed Christmas Eve, hand in hand, they’re gifting one another eternity. Simply because they’d be happier somewhere else, as long as they could be together.


End file.
